Tuesday, March 24, 2015
I Am Special
I cannot bear to hear a child cry. I want to immediately take that child into my arms and give him or her a huge hug.
When a baby cries there is a reason. Perhaps the diaper is wet (or worse) making the baby uncomfortable. Maybe it is hungry. It may have just eaten and not all the gas came up when it was burped. The baby might just want to be held and have a little attention.
Crying is a baby's only way of communicating. The way adults respond is the way the baby learns about conversation. I have found in my own experience that if the baby knows that an adult will meet its needs when asked then the baby only cries when it is important.
I read that a child's opinion of itself is formed during the first two years of life. If that child feels desirable and loved it will always feel that way.
My family always calls the little girls "Pretty Girl". They all answer to it. The boys are the most handsome things we have ever seen. All the children are smart and loved by everyone in the family. They are such special parts of the family and we want them to know it.
I believe in spoiling children. Now I do not mean that they should not be disciplined. And I do not mean that they should think they are above others. Not at all.
Children must be taught respect and responsibility. They are responsible for the way they act. If their actions are wrong it is up to the parents to make sure they understand what they did wrong and that it will not happen again. Respect for other people results in other people respecting them. It is a valuable thing to know.
I have been reading all the recent news about allowing children to think they are special makes them narcissistic. Nonsense! Children should feel they are special. They should also realize that others can be special too.
I have noticed that the children who are the most troubled and most troublesome are the ones who feel less than. Less than is that feeling that one is less than others. No one should feel less than.
I tried to teach my children that no one is better than they are. Someone can be as good as they are but never better. Never better.
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Dear Emma, I read that article on narcissism too - and I also thought: no. (The theme is the latest fashion hype in psychology).
ReplyDeleteAs you write: a child must feel loved and respected. We always ran when our son cried - but that was not often. He was and is a very happy, content person with much self-esteem. And I follow you in the belief that no one is "better". Different: yes (thank God for that), but not "better".
When I think that my parents were raised in the time when psychologists (!) though it was good to let a child cry ("Good for its lungs", people said), - awful!
I have had people tell me about the crying to let them build healthy lungs thing. My family is quite loud. I shudder to think what would be the outcome if my children's under-developed lungs had been allowed to develop.
DeleteI don't think they can be narcissistic if they are told they are special in the right manner. Of course they are special as other children to their parents too. Everyone is different and everyone is special in their own ways. I am not a parent yet but I do not like some of "new ways" of raising a child nowadays people are telling parents to follow. I know someone who attends seminars that tell them that a child shouldn't feel any stress while growing up. She should just be let to do everything she wants to even to the point of behaving badly at somebody else's house. That's a total bullsh*t. I think they are creating a monster out of their innocent child. I heard their friends with children started avoiding them.
ReplyDeleteThe only advice I give to all parents (and they may or may not take it as they wish) is that you know your own child. As long as you are a caring parent you will make the right choices. It is a natural thing. Before there were all these well-intentioned people telling us all how to be parents we got along just fine. As long as no one is harming the children they will be fine. So if you decide to have children just use your head and your heart. Being a parent is a lot of work but it is so rewarding.
DeleteI think it depends on how you make them feel special. It may border to narcissism if we're not careful. But we all need affirmation.
ReplyDeleteEvery child needs to know that its parents think he/she is special. As long as they are also taught things like self-control and equipped with normal social skills they will understand that parents have a special way of seeing their own children. Still it is important for them to know that nobody is better than they are. Others can be as good as they are but not better.
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