Ornery Boy

 My poor mother-in-law raised a mischievous child. Thwn I went and married him. 

Long before I met him his brother and his brother's best friend cane up with a prank that my husband happily agreed to. A rope was tied around his waist for safety. Then he put another rope around his neck and made it look like he was hanging from a tree up the hill from the house. 

Then my brother-in-law ran to the house screaming for her to come quick... Her son had hung himself.

My mother-in-law was almost as round as she was tall. She ran out of the house. There was a fence across the field. She hurdled it like a track star.

That made my husband laugh and he could not stop. At first Mom thought he was convulsing. When she realized what was going on She made the other two boys cut him down. Then they each had to bring her a switch.

We had been dating for quite some time when he bought a different car It was an older police car that still had the spotlight on it.

He discovered quite by accident that if he stepped on the gas and popped the clutch just right the front end would rear up like the Lone Ranger's horse. We drove around the Saturday night loop bucking the car up as often as possible.

Then we also discovered that the barricade markers around a building downtown were made of rubber and not cement. He could run over them with relative ease.

One Saturday we were driving the loop, bucking the car, and running over the barrier markers. Suddenly we did not move any more. The drive shaft fell out!

Near Sioux City is a State Park named Stone State Park. It is on the edge of the Loess Hills. That means a lot of hills with narrow roadways. It is also a favorite spot for couples to 'park' for a bit of privacy. 

One night we decided to take his former police car for a ride through the park. There was another couple with us and we were going to see if the spotlight would help us discover any wild animals in the dark.

We came upon a car parked in a secluded spot. Of course he shined the light on the car. No one was visible. We all started to laugh.

He moved the light around while keeping on that car. Finally a young man's head popped up.  

Of course that only encouraged my husband to keep the light on the car.

Eventually the young woman in the car sat up as she arranged her clothing. The young man started his car to leave the park.

My husband was hot on his trail. The fellow was driving those narrow hilly trails while shaking his fist out the window and trying to pull his pants on at the same time. We laughed all the way out of the park.

I sincerely hope none of my children ever did things like that. I hope... 

Good Neighbors

Neighbors are interesting creatures. Some are good, some are bad, and some are merely tolerable. I have had samples of all. Rather than give recognition to bad neighbors I will concentrate on some good ones.

My ex-husband was dying. He had cancer. His neighbor worked the night shift. Every morning when he got home from work he would stop in to check on his friend. He was the truest friend my husband had.

My oldest son was taking care of his father and the neighbor was nice to him too. My son was grateful that he was able to be with his father in his final days.

The neighbor was with my husband when he died. What a good friend.

I now live with my son in his father's house. The neighbor is still a caring neighbor.

My favorite neighbor lived at the end of our street in Tennessee. I was a woman in my middle twenties. I had two small children plus two babies. My husband was a truck driver so he was gone all week.

Our next-door neighbor was this woman's daughter. She had a son the same age as my second son. In fact they had the same blonde hair and they were the same size. The woman at the end of the street took care of her grandson while her daughter worked in another town all week and some weekends

The woman had two older children still in school. Every morning when I drove my oldest son to school I also gave then a ride. When we got home my second son and the grandson ran down to the grandmother's house.

Every night for supper she made fresh cornbread. The boys had that for breakfast. They especially liked it when she made cracklin' bread. That is cornbread with pork cracklins' (sold as pork rinds) mixed in.

All the kids usually played at our house. I did not mind the noise. Or the mess. Several times when it was getting late the woman would come up and knock on the door. When my son would answer she would grab him and be halfway home before realizing she had the wrong child.

Often in early afternoon she would come to me and ask if she could take one of the babies for a while. She said she missed having a baby in the house. She took comfort from having a baby present. Even if it was only for a nap.

She was a wonderful and giving person. She gave me a bit of a break when I really needed one. I miss her even today.

 

Shooting An Elephant

When I was in junior high school elephant jokes were all the rage. Here are some of my favorites.

How can you tell if there is an elephant in the bathtub? You can smell the peanuts on his breath.

How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.

Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?  So it could hide in the cherry tree.

How can you tell when an elephant has been in the refrigerator? By the elephant footprints in the Jello.

How do you kill a pink elephant? Squeeze its trunk until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away his credit card.

How do you raise a baby elephant? With a forklift/

How can you tell if there are two elephants in the refrigerator? You can hear them giggling when the light goes out.

How can you tell if there are three elephants in the refrigerator? The door will not close.

What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck.

How did the elephant get wrinkles around its' knees? From jumping out of trees.

How do you capture a whole herd of elephants? Go to their watering hole with an empty gallon jug, binoculars, and a pair of tweezers. When the elephants come to drink you look through the binoculars backward. The elephants will look tiny. Use the tweezers to grasp their tails. Pick them up and drop them into the gallon jug.

That is enough to keep you entertained for a while. Just be thankful that I used elephants and not Silly Suzie jokes.

Let's Dress Up

Halloween is coming. Did you celebrate? Did you dress in a costume? Did you Trick-or-Treat?

 I love Halloween. I love the colors: black and orange. I really love the candy. And I love to see kids having so much fun rushing from house to house looking for more treats.

Even though it is older Halloween is usually attributed to Samhain in Ireland. It is celebrated at the time it is believed that the world of the dead was closest to the world of the living. Sometimes the spirits of the dead could cross over to cause trouble.

They would knock on doors looking for food. People began leaving treats sitting on the doorstep to keep the spirits from playing tricks on them.

Of course the spirits were scary to look at. If a human had to be out on All Hallow's Eve they wore a scary mask to look like a spirit. They were allowed to pass. 

Soon mischievous young people began to dress in costume and bang on doors demanding treats. Halloween had begun.

I have memories of my favorite costume. I was in kindergarten. Mom could make anything. Using orange material she sewed a pumpkin. It even had a little hat with green leaves to look like the top of the pumpkin. Then she bent a few wire coat hangers and stretched the pumpkin over them to make a full round pumpkin. It was so fat that I had problems getting it through the door of the classroom at school.

Over the years there have been many homemade costumes. After all there were seven of us. Then I had four children. KISS has been a favorite for many of the children. 

For several years my second son dressed as death. I had seen how to do his makeup in a magazine.

My oldest son would dress as a scarecrow. He sat in a folding chair by where the kids came for their treats. As soon as no one but the child was looking he would wave. Not one mother ever believed the poor child who saw the scarecrow move.

I know there are some who believe that Halloween is evil. They are able to believe as they wish. For me Halloween is just a time to be silly and have fun.

How Come

 My daughter is blessed with three big brothers. I always wished I I had a big brother. 

My daughter adored her brothers. They adored her. It is still true and they are all in their 50's.

I thought when the novelty of having a girl in the family the boys would relax a bit. Not so. 

She has felt protected and loved for her entire life.  Each brother served a different part as hero for her.

The oldest brother is the calm person who makes things right. She turns to him for security.

The second brother is her fierce warrior guard. He is there to make everyone afraid to cross her.

She and her third brother are Irish twins meaning there is barely a year's difference in their ages. Besides being her friend he is constantly there for her.

There was something about my lovely daughter that drove us all out of our minds. She was a "howcum" child.

She was full of questions. They always started with "how com." "How come I need to wear a coat? How come I can't take the dog to school with me?" "How come it always gets cloudy before it rains?"

When she realized that she was making us crazy she asked even more. Fifty years later she still does it. You would think that by now she knows everything there is to know.