What The ...!?!

I was married to a strange person. He was interesting but at times so strange.

One Saturday afternoon we were watching an old movie on television. He fell asleep with his head on my lap.

All of a sudden he sat up screaming, "LOOK OUT, LOOK OUT!!!"

I frantically tried to see what I was in danger from as I tried to shrink at the same time. I was screaming, "WHAT? WHAT?"

"Don't you see it?"

"See what?"

" That chain coming at us!"

What? I was ducking and weaving and bobbing to get away from an imaginary chain? He was having a bad dream about a loose chain in a warehouse that was falling and going to hit us. At least he was covering me to protect me.

When he woke up later I told him about the incident and he said he almost remembered the dream.

On occasion he would walk in his sleep. I would normally just guide him back to the place he had been sleeping and tell him about it later.

Of course he denied doing it. He thought I was making it up. So one day when he got up I let him go.

I watched him carefully but I did not interfere in any way. The children were laughing the whole time.

My husband walked from the couch to the front door. He opened the front door and went through it. We had an enclosed porch. He crossed that and went through that door, down the front steps and on outside.

We lived on the corner so I readied myself in case he tried to cross the street. As he reached the corner of the sidewalk he suddenly looked up and got a sheepish look on his face. He was now awake.

He turned the corner and walked to the backyard gate. I went in the front door. He came in through the back door.

My husband was furious. He said we would have let him walk right out into the street. We laughed because we knew he was in no danger.

There was no guessing some of the things my husband would do. One time he decided that he could sell to some of the marijuana smokers.So we went on vacation to visit his parents.

While there he and his brother went out and cut down a bunch of the hemp weed that grows wild here. When back home in the big city he began the "curing" process.

He and his brother made drying racks and put them in his brother's basement. Then they spread the plants out on the racks and left them there.

In a couple of weeks they went down to check on it. All those hemp plants had turned moldy. They simply turned them over.

Eventually the plants dried. They flaked the leaves off. They crumbled them a bit and put them in baggies.

Do you know that some people will smoke anything? My husband and his brother actually made a small bit of money on the venture. Thankfully they never tried it again.

Cleaning car parts in my kitchen sink was a favorite irritation of his. Irritation to me that is. It drove me crazy.

But the biggest "What the ...." of all was the day I came home and found a transmission on my couch!
A transmission!

My darling husband had decided he wanted to watch TV while he rebuilt his transmission. He did not want to get grease and transmission fluid all over the floor so he put it on the couch. Logical right? Even more strange is that he found some idiot to help him carry the transmission in.

As I said my husband was interesting. But he was strange.