Friday, December 12, 2014

Child Abuse

My sister was pregnant. I was thrilled. I love it when the family has new babies. It continues our family. Each new member is to be cherished just as each other member of the family is cherished.

When my sister first introduced me to the boyfriend who was to become the father of her baby I stood with my fists clenched at my sides. I wanted to hit him so bad. I had no real reason but he did not seem to deserve her.

But he grew on me and we actually became very good friends. He was excited about having a baby. It was fun helping them plan for the newest member of our family.

Then about a month and a half before the baby was to be born the father up and married someone else. He completely abandoned my sister. When my nephew was born his grandmother was forbidden to go to the hospital to see him. Luckily the father's brother had married my sister's friend who had her baby in the same hospital at the same time. Grandma was able to sneak down to say hi.

My sister is a good mother. She was happy with her son and there are more than enough males in our family. He would not lack for male role models.

Then just as suddenly the father started to come around. He wanted to be a father to his son who was four years old. My sister recognized that her son has a right to his father. It was a good thing.

What was bad was that my sister once again became pregnant. But the father stuck around for this son. Then he took  off. He went back to his wife. Where he should have been to begin with.

I have to inject here that I still liked the guy. We had work associations so I saw him often. My sister was off limits as a topic for discussion.

About five years later my sister and I were working together and rode to work along with a friend of hers. On our way to work one night my sister very quietly mentioned that she was in contact with the boys' father again. All I could say was, "Thank God you cannot get pregnant again."

He was divorced now leaving three lovely daughters and a step-daughter behind. What a mess.

But it seemed like he was going to stay with my sister and the boys. As a matter of fact he had a house built in a southern state on the mountain that his family owned. He moved my sister and the boys down there.

My mother followed after a couple of years. She wanted to retire to warmer weather. She had her own place but she watched the boys after school until their parents came home from work.

Things were going smoothly until the day that the boys' father brought home his new wife to introduce her to his family. My sister kicked him out. Mom moved in with my sister to help with the boys and give financial help too.

The father visited often. He would come after the boys were home from school.

One day Mom was in her room and she heard a scuffle. She went out to tell the boys not to fight. There she saw my oldest nephew on the floor with his father on top of him, choking him.

Mom demanded he get off which he did. (Everyone respected and listened to my mother.) As Mom was trying to put things in order as to what to do in what order my nephew grabbed the phone.

He called the police and reported that his father had attacked him. They came right out. I should mention that my nephew was about 12 years old.

When the police arrived they sat the father down and asked all the right questions of everyone. Then they asked my nephew what he wanted to happen next.

He said he wanted his father out of the house and not be able to come back. The police agreed with him and told the father to leave.

Then they explained to my mother how my sister could get a restraining order. Which my sister did the very next day.

The father was not even allowed to visit his mother who lived not far away if the boys were there.

We were all so proud of my nephew. He was proud of himself. And the first thing his little brother did was make a bowl of cereal and take it to his bedroom to eat it. His father never allowed that.

After Mom died my sister and the boys moved back to where we lived. The boys grew up and became fathers themselves.

The oldest has three boys of his own. They all live in the state where their father is from. My nephew has made peace with his father now that he is big enough to keep him in line.

The younger one has a little girl. They all live near my sister. He has little interest in seeing his father.

The abuse was not an ongoing thing. My mother and sister would not have stood for that. The father had been drinking that day and apparently thought that gave him the right to be a bully. But my nephew stopped it.


  1. After reading this and thinking what a brave young men your nephew was to report his father, I could noy help but wonder why his mother kept taking back the SOB.

    1. To my knowledge it was the only incident of him abusing the boys. He can be a charming person so my sister would fall under his spell yet again when he would come back around. I am not making excuses for her just stating a fact. I think she finally realizes that she is better off without him and his craziness.