Monday, February 20, 2023

I Still Miss Someone

 When someone you care about dies you feel sad. And like part of you is gone.

When my sister died last month it hurt. She was 4 years younger than me. She had told me many times that she wanted to go. She was confined to her bed for so many years after she had a major stroke. I hate this saying but I believe it to be true in this case. She is now better off.

When we were younger we were close. We would take our children to the zoo. Old pictures make us look like the Kennedys on an outing.

As often happens family and distance interfere with relationships. It does not stop the love.

My sister was the middle of 7 children/ She had 2 brothers younger and 2 brothers older. I was the older sister and there is also a younger sister. How is that for creating a middle child syndrome? And my sister had it in spades.

My sister used to complain that she never got her way. What actually happened was that she did not get it fast enough (which was immediately).

After her stroke she was unable to speak clearly for a while. Imagine my surprise when I called one day to ask my nephew how she was and he asked if I wanted to talk to her. It was wonderful to hear her voice even though she was still difficult to understand. Over time her speech returned and we spoke often.

So now I miss talking to her. Sometimes she depended on me a little too much and I would complain. Now I find myself starting to call her or wondering why she was not calling me. I would love to be able to complain again.

My sister had developed diabetes along with other ailments related to her not being able to move around. I know several places online that make sugar-free candy/ She could have the peppermint candies to keep her mouth moist. Chocolates made her feel special. I made sure to send her a bit of candy each month.

I also sent her inexpensive Christmas gifts. Things like that break the monotony of someone confined to bed.

I know my sister. She would have wanted a huge star-studded funeral with glamor, glitz, and all the notoriety you can imagine. Instead she was cremated and placed in a niche in a columbarium. She is now at rest.


  1. It is sad to watch the past slip away. I miss my mother, my father, my brothers.

    1. I know what you mean. All day I have been thinking of my parents, my brothers, my sister, my niece, and my nephew. Grief does that sometimes.

  2. I'm very sorry for you loss. It's so hard to lose family. Sending love to you.

  3. my precious friend Emma ,you were in my thoughts constantly and i had feelings that you are off because of your sister's situation .sorry that she left but as you said she too wanted this because her restricted condition .
    i too believe that she is at rest now finally .
    i can relate how priceless is the feeling to even listen the voice of your sister as mine was disconnected for more than twelve years and despite she said loud and clear she does not want me around (due to my habit giving advises that she never wanted) i wanted to stay in touch and i tried twice but she refused until she was in need and called me . i am still content that i can be in touch at least .blood relationships are painful sometimes and hard to carry .
    i hope you are fine my friend! sending you lots of love ,hugs and healing energy !

  4. A bittersweet post, Emma, and of course you are missing your sister, but you have good memories to sustain you. As you said she is at rest, even though her send-off was not as she would have preferred.

  5. So sorry to hear of your sister's death. When a sibling dies, the pain doesn't go away. I lost two brothers in 1997 and then 1999 I still can hear their laughter and our growing up years.

    1. I know what you mean. When we grow up together it is so hard to release the feelings of those times.