I have wo younger sisters. The one who is four years younger than I am has been in a nursing home for years.
She suffered a severe stroke many years ago which left her unable to care for herself. For many years her husband took care of her at home. My nephew stopped by every day to help.
They fed her, bathed her, changed her clothes, and did everything for her.
Eventually she needed more care than they could give her. She went to live in a nursing home. Her husband and son were there every day at least for the time they were not at work. On weekends they spent the whole day with her. Besides keeping her company they helped with physical therapy.
Her son died and she was devastated. He had been the focus of her world for so many years. I knew he was ill but I did not know how serious it was.
I spoke to him on the phone and he sounded so bad. I said, " You know I love you." He said, "I know. I love you too." It was the last time I talked to him. I am now obsessive about telling people I love them. It has become so important to me.
Back to my sister. Her husband called me to let me know she was in the emergency room. She has not been feeling well for months. They diagnosed COPD. They would move her to ICU as soon as they could.
He held his phone to her ear. I was able to tell her I love her. She loves me too.
My brother-in-law called me this morning. The doctors have recommended that he "pull the plug." I think he was looking for another opinion. I do not want her to suffer any more. There seems to be no hope for life. It is time.
I assured him I would back him on whatever decision he makes. He is her husband after all.
So tomorrow morning he will tell them to not keep her alive using artificial means. I am losing my sister.
She will be the third younger sibling I am losing. I do not want to die but it is not right that they go before me. As you can tell I am feeling sorry for myself. I know it will pass over time. For now I need to do it.
Please remind your loved ones you love them. You will feel better when you do.
I am so sorry to hear about your family and the tragedies. Oh, losing a sibling is awful. I lost 2 brothers in 3 yrs. The pain and grief is hard to describe.ReplyDelete
Thank you for your thoughts. It is terrible indeed.Delete
This is heartbreaking dear Emma. I k no words h power of heal you and I know that sometimes only way is to let it come out of you so you can unburden your soul.ReplyDelete
You did bes what you can do in your position.
Please take care of yourself. There is time for everyone of us but till then life is task to carry anyway.
Hugs to you
For some reason my reply to you keeps disappearing. Thank you for your kindness.Delete
It's OK my precious friend Emma. I too notice that commenting is getting harder for some reason. I think of you and keep you in my prayers as well.love hugs and blessings to youDelete
I feel your thoughts often. Thank you.Delete
It's okay (and perfectly normal) to feel sorry for yourself under the circumstances. This is heartbreaking. I've lost 2 younger brothers and I can relate to your feeling that it shouldn't happen that way. What a hard and terrible decision for your brother-in-law to have to make. My heart goes out to all of you.ReplyDelete
Thank you. I am better today.Delete
My condolences on the lost of your sister. I am so sorry to learn of your loss, but you are correct a thousand times over about telling people that you love them. Our three children are in their 50s now and we tell them every time we talk to them. I had no siblings at all but I gained four step-siblings at the age of 17. Only the oldest is left now and he just turned 86. The two younger ones died first, one in his fifties and one in her sixties. Longevity is a strange thing when you ponder the differences within the same family.ReplyDelete
It sounds trite but I am glad her suffering is over. She has told me many times in the last year that she wished she was not here. She finally got her wish.Delete
I was so saddened to read this update on your sister, Emma, and you are right in saying her husband has such a hard decision. We had to do the same for my mother, but it was the only choice given the options. It is only natural that you should feel sorry for yourself when you have seen other younger family members pass away. The time comes for all of us, and I for one do not want to hurry it along any sooner than necessary.ReplyDelete
yes, it is important to tell people you love them every chance you get. My husband and I say it to one another several times a day. I always say it to loved ones at the end of a phone talk and even several senior friends, now in their mid 90s. I have never regretted when someone passes that I didn't say the words, talk or visit them when I could. Too often, those left behind have regrets that they did not do so.
Now my reply to you is disappearing. Thank you. You do understand.Delete
Emma, my condolences. I'm so sorry to hear about the death of sister. You are so right about our need to tell others that we love them while they are still around to hear it.ReplyDelete
I had no siblings until I gained four step-siblings when I was 17, two younger and two older, and I suddenly became the middle one of five. My oldest step-brother, who is 86 and has dementia, is the only one left of his biological siblings. It seems backwards somehow or like the world is upside down when younger ones go first. .
Death is hard on those of us who are left behind. What I hope for my sister is that she is whole now and with lots of loved ones.Delete
So sad, I want to say I love you more often.ReplyDelete
Do it. You can even tell people why. They will start to do it too.Delete
Losing siblings is so hard, I lost 2 brothers. It is hard to describe to someone how you are suffering. God bless you, Emma. You are loved.ReplyDelete
Thank you. I feel loved.Delete
Dear Emma, I read your post just now, and I feel with you. It is very hard to lose a loved one, and I think it wonderful to tell all those one loves that one loves them.ReplyDelete
Hi Emma, its so hard for us when our sibling is not well. I pray that God heals her and I also lost a loved one in January. Please be strong.ReplyDelete
My condolences for your loss. My sister is no longer suffering. I miss talking to her on the phone.Delete
Wish your sister a very speedy recovery dear Emma!ReplyDelete
Hope you are doing well my friend
I keep trying to leave comments on your blog. Let's see if this works! Just want to say that hope you are doing well and to thank you for all the nice comments you leave on my blog! Take care!ReplyDelete
Thank you and you are welcome.Delete
Hey! My comment worked! :-)ReplyDelete
As they used to say on The A Team, "It's good when a plan comes together."Delete