Tuesday, May 19, 2015
I recently spoke to a dear friend of mine. At one time we were inseparable. Then things changed and we no longer saw each other at all except occasional uncomfortable chance meetings.
Our husbands were friends and that is how we met. Our friendship grew gradually. It was not an immediate thing.
Then I was no longer married. But friendship remained. Our huge group of friends did not drop either my husband or myself from the group. We were not thrust together but we did not lose friends which was fortunate.
I went to work for my friend's husband. Because of this I knew a lot of what was happening in his life as well.
I learned that he had hired two women and the husband of one of them as night watchmen for his business. My employer was having an affair with the second woman.
When my friend found out that her husband was seeing another woman she called me in tears. I went to her house immediately. As she alternated between hurt, betrayal, anger, fury, and fear I listened.
Then I told her that she needed to know that I had known about the affair for some time. I had not told her because if it had been a short term thing she might never have known and therefore never hurt by it. I also told her that I was there for her but that I would not run to her with stories true or otherwise. She understood and accepted that.
His affair continued. She continued to be hurt. She stayed with him because she was afraid to be on her own. She had little education and had never had a job. She did not know how she and the children would live if she left him.
Eventually she had an affair of her own. She needed to feel desirable to someone... anyone.
She became pregnant. She felt that the risk of having the baby borne of an affair was to great so I went with her when she had an abortion. Until now only three people have known about the abortion; her sister, her, and me.
She ended her affair. It was best. Unfortunately she began to drink.
In the meantime her husband began to feel that I was the root of all his problems so he fired me from my job. He had stopped seeing the woman he was seeing but he needed to feel that he was not at fault.
That was when I realized that if they were to be able to make their marriage work I had to break up with both of them.
I miss my friendship with both of them. I think they miss me a bit too.
They are still married. But it is a sad and distant marriage.
The husband has become ill but he still runs his business. I think he feels cut off not only from his wife but also his children and grandchildren.
The wife still drinks too much. She will not leave the marriage but nurtures the hurt. She has little to say to her husband.
All this unhappiness of course affected their children. They are troubled and most have disfunctional families as well.
It is a sad end to a marriage. It was a sad end to a friendship.
When I heard her voice on the phone I felt wonderful. She invited me to go a couple of places with her. She did not know that I no longer live near her. I think she misses me too.
I have also talked to her husband since then. I think he is a broken man. He knows that it all began with him being foolish. The problem is that he cannot change it.
I wish people could see and truly understand what happened to my friends. It is the best deterrent to infidelity.