Big Move

It is the middle of the night and I am feeling blue. This does not happen to me often but I thought if I share it perhaps it will help.

My brother-in-law called me late this afternoon. My sister has been in the hospital for about a week. As you might remember she had a stroke a few years ago. She is still unable to move her left side. She is able to speak clearly and her mind is working the way it should.

She is in the hospital because of breathing problems. Because she cannot move by herself her lungs tend to fill with fluid. Even with the hospital bed and raising the top of the bed she cannot sit up. That is a common thing with bed-ridden people. Fluid in the lungs.

My brother-in-law has been taking care of her and their house for all this time. Occasionally a therapist comes in to keep her muscles moving because she can not do it herself. That is when my brother-in-law tried to run to the store or do other quick errands. That way she would not be alone.

So my brother-in-law told me that my sister is being released from the hospital late tomorrow morning. She is being transported to a nursing home or as they call it a long-term care facility to make it sound nicer. He said she was feeling nervous about the move and wanted me to give a call.

Of course I called her right away. That was when I found out he was actually in the room with her. She needed me to call her instead of him handing her his phone.

She told me she was a little nervous about going to the home. I told her I understood that it was an unknown and a little worrisome.

I let her talk at first while I just made those "I'm listening" noises. Then I started asking questions and making statements.

They have been talking for a while about her going to a place like this. Her husband saw the facility and told me it was very nice. She knew it was coming but she was a little afraid. That was when he promised her that he would visit her every day. Her son also lives nearby and I know he will also visit every day. I need to call him tomorrow because I know he will be upset too.

I told her I knew that she was isolated and bored at home. Her husband was trying to do everything. That meant there was not a lot of time for him to simply sit and visit for long periods of time.

I pointed out that she would make friends with the nurses who would be in and out of her room all day. There would be therapists doing the same. And knowing my sister I am sure she will make friends with some of the ambulatory patients and they could visit with her.

She told me she would have a roommate and I told her she would have a captive audience.

I am hoping they will be able to take her out in the sun once in a while. I told her that they will have crafts and other activities to keep her mind busy. If they have wheel chairs that she can sit in she could maybe go to a community room to socialize. Maybe she could play checkers or something.

She told me about a feature they had that she thought might be fun. Unfortunately I cannot remember what it was.

She mentioned that they would have to get her a television for her room. I suggested checking on EBay. I got my son a laptop for Christmas there. I have already given it to him because he too is bored out of his mind. But I digress. Maybe they can find a good deal there.

Then I told her, "If they do not take care of you call me. I will fix it. If they leave wrinkles in the sheets call me. If they try to make you eat something you do not like call me. I will fix it." I also told her she can call just to complain if she wants to. (She used to be a pro at that.)

She told me that her husband told her that if she does not like it there he will take her back home. That is a good thing. But I told her to give it a few days. She will probably hate it for at least a couple of days and she will need time to get over that.

I did not say that she will probably never be completely happy there. Who would be? But I think the extra people there will be good for her.

As we wound down the conversation I promised to call after she has time to settle in tomorrow. Late afternoon or early evening should give her time.

She sounded so little and forlorn. I think she probably cried when we hung up our phones. I heard the quiver in her voice.

I think more than anything she is afraid of being forgotten. I can certainly understand that. I hope it works out for her. She is so frustrated with not being able to take care of herself. It has to be scary.

Update On My Sister

I realized I have not said anything about my sister in a while. I suppose once the danger of losing her was over I relaxed. Just as she does I take each day as a step forward.

My sister had a stroke more than a year ago. It was a serious stroke. She had many difficulties resulting from it. I will now report on her progress.

She had to have surgery to replace the piece of her skull they removed to ease pressure from the swelling of her brain. Needless to say the swelling went down. The surgery was also successful.

She is now home. Her husband is her primary caretaker but they have a nurse who comes several times a week to help out.

There is also intensive physical therapy. My sister is so frustrated because her left arm and leg are still not moving. She is determined to walk again. Knowing my sister I am sure she will.

She is sick of being confined to either a chair or a wheelchair. And she is sick of having to have people wait on her. (I never thought that would happen. My sister is even more self-centered than I am.)

She called me a few minutes ago. Her speech is completely normal but I can hear her tiring as the conversation gets longer. It is so good to be able to call her and have her call me. For a while she was difficult to understand and her thoughts would wander as we talked.

She did say that she wished her hand/eye coordination was better. She used to do a lot of sewing. I wish there was someone who could help her do some sewing one-handed. Maybe she would enjoy that. Any suggestions are welcome.

I suppose it does not sound like she has made a lot of progress but actually she has worked hard and become so much better. She has a strong determination and is so strong willed.

My sister knows she will probably not be able to return to work. She has begun the process of filing for Social Security. She will get about $100 more a month if she takes the disability so that is what she is trying for. A rotten way to spend her 65th year.

I hope to one day be able to tell you that she is moving on her own. Better yet I hope to be able to tell you that she is in Fiji which is her favorite place to be and walking on the beach.

Are You Ready?

The thing I have been dreading has happened. I called my nephew to see how my sister is doing. He handed his phone to her.

The reason I have been dreading talking to her is because I did not want to hear her struggle to speak and make me understand her. She is my little sister and I did not want her to hear anything negative in my voice to discourage her.

Imagine my surprise when she spoke clearly and I could understand her. Her words are slurred just a little but not even as much as someone who has had too much to drink.

I can hear her thinking about what she is saying but that is only because I know her and her speech patterns. Most people would not notice that.

My nephew had taken her into the garden at the facility where she is staying. She calls it jail. She wants to go home. That is a good incentive to work at getting stronger.

Anyway she is able to sit in a wheelchair for trips to the garden and therapy. That in itself is a huge improvement. She told me that they are getting ready to have her start trying to stand.

She says her left leg is useless but I told her that it might come back in time. She thinks it is because part of her brain (she means skull but she does still get a little confused) is being stored in her leg until the swelling goes down enough for her to have it put back where it belongs.

She was beginning to sound a little tired so I said goodbye. Now that my selfish feelings have been assuaged I will call her a little more often.

I just felt the need to share my joy. The news was depressing for so long. Now I am looking forward to a reasonable recovery for her. I think I need to find a way to celebrate.

Update On My Sister

My sister had a stroke as I told you in a previous post. There were anxious moments as she underwent various treatments. Again I mentioned them in a previous post.

My daughter and her family stopped in to visit my sister on their way to a vacation destination. She called me and sounded a bit upset.

My daughter told me that one side of her aunt's head is still seriously swollen. The nurse told my daughter that my sister has a touch of dementia so not to be alarmed if she did not recognize people.

She did recognize her niece immediately and asked if my granddaughter was there. She was. They had a nice visit but my sister was weak and seemed to tire quickly.

Her conversation rambled a bit. There were times when my daughter was not certain if my sister was talking about our mother or my daughter's mother (me).

She was making motions like she was trying to wake someone up next to her. At times she thought it was her husband, other times her son, and sometimes nurses or aides. She said they needed somewhere to sleep because they got so tired.

My sister is still in the long term care facility. They do all sorts of therapy and testing. It seems as if they are taking good care of her.

My nephew visits every day. He has been telling me that she gets better every day. I am wondering how much of that is wishful thinking.

I cannot afford to visit her right now. I write her and my nephew reads the letters to her. Apparently she can have extremely short phone conversations. I need to figure out what I will say in a short amount of time. I also need to collect myself so I will not upset her.

Another nephew's wife made a collage of family photos. It is marvelous. They delivered it to her today.

This was partially an update and partially catharsis for me. Hope you don't mind.

My Sister

Because everyone was so kind when I wrote about my sister having a stroke I felt that an update would not be out of line. And catharsis is good for me.

The doctors have told my nephew that for all intents and purposes the right side of her brain is dead. That controls movement on her left side. However the right side is healthy. It controls speech and cognizance.

So they hold little hope that she will regain movement on her left side. Her eye is still swollen and only opens with assistance. That may or may not change.

They do believe that she will regain her ability to speak. She does know what has happened to her because her intelligence comes from the left.

It will be at least several months before she is able to go home. The hospital cannot treat her that long so they are moving her to a long term care facility.

I am still a believer that she will be able to do more than they predict. But I am no longer certain of how much more.

I must tell you my heart is breaking. She is my younger sister.

I am not looking for sympathy for me. My sister has a long recovery ahead of her and she needs all the support she can get. Please send some positive thoughts out for her. Thank you.

It Is Just Wrong

My nephew just called me. His mother is my sister who is 4 years younger than I am. He was practically incoherent. His mother is back in the hospital.

About four weeks ago my nephew called to tell me she was in the hospital. She had been ill and was taking her medicine like she was supposed to. She seemed to be getting better.

Then suddenly she could not breathe. Her husband called an ambulance. She was in ICU for a week. She was unconscious for five days.

As soon as she was able to talk I called her instead of bothering my nephew yet again. She felt pretty good but was abnormally week.

She was not allowed out of bed without assistance. She had some extensive physical therapy ahead of her.

The worst thing was that they were not really certain about what happened.

After three weeks she was allowed to go home. She still had to do her physical therapy and otherwise take it easy but she was so happy to be home.

As I said earlier my nephew called today. My sister is back in the hospital. She has had a stroke.

He was having a hard time gathering his words together so I told him I would ask him some questions so all he would have to do was supply answers.

Was she awake? Yes. Can she speak? Yes but her speech is very slurred. Can she move? One side is showing some paralysis.

I then told him about my grandmother, his great-grandmother. She was about the same age as his mother when she had a stroke. She could not speak and she could not move. But her mind was working just fine. She saw and heard doctors telling people that she would probably never speak or walk again.

Grandma was furious! She told me that she laid there and thought to herself, "I'll Show them!"

When she came home from the hospital she was fine. She still tired easily as anyone just coming home from the hospital does. Her speech was just a little off  but only those of us who knew her could tell. Her black hair now had a few streaks of gray that were not there before. And she could no longer pull hot pans from the oven with no potholders.

She did indeed show them. She was only in her early 60's and had a lot more to accomplish. And she did it too.

I think my nephew felt more optimistic after the story. (It is so important to have these stories in my head at times like this.) His mother was his whole life for so long. He has a sister that he did not know growing up. His father has never been in his life. He is seeing that his mother is not immortal and it is terrifying.

After I finished talking to my nephew I sat to absorb what I had heard. I have no doubt that my sister will make at least close to a full recovery. She is basically healthy and strong. She is only 63 so she is still fairly young. I really believe she will be fine.

I have already lost two brothers. One was 1 year younger and the other was 2 years younger than I. One was killed in war, the other died from heart failure. My youngest brother (who is only 52 years old) had a heart attack a couple of years ago.

Like children dying before their parents it is just wrong for younger siblings to die before the older ones.

Now I am not saying I want to die. I also do not say, "It should have been me." I am not a martyr.

But it is unnatural for the younger ones to go first. It upsets my sense of the way things should be.

I do believe my sister will be fine. I am right now in the throes of morbid thoughts. I guess there are times when you simply must say, "It is just wrong."

Green Frosting

My sister is four years younger than me. She is the middle child of the family. On top of being number four of seven, she has two older brothers and two younger brothers, one older sister and one younger sister. She has middle child syndrome in spades.

She was always a prissy child. I do not mean necessarily feminine because she was not always what is considered as feminine. But she could sashay around with her little bottom wiggling with the best of them. And this started when she started to walk.

She always believed that she was adopted. There was no way she could have been born into such a crass family. As the older sister I was extremely understanding and sympathetic. I told her; "Why on earth would a family with this many kids want to adopt one? And if they did want to adopt a child, why would they choose you?" She was not amused.

As a matter of fact I called her on her recent birthday. (She is 62, chortle, chortle, chortle) I asked her if she still believed that she was adopted. She said that she had finally given up the idea. After all she looks just like our mother.

Remember the old wringer washers that we did laundry in? Mom liked to set up the washer outdoors if the weather was decent. It was easier to get to the clothesline that way.

My sister was about 2 or 3 years old. Mom was doing laundry. At that moment she was hanging clothes on the line. Then she heard a huge thud and scream.

My sister had climbed up on the washer to see what it was doing and pulled it over on top her. She had a big gash on her eyebrow. There was no doctor in our town so Mom and Daddy took her to the next town over and she got three stitches. She still has a bit of a scar.

My younger brothers were her older brothers. They had been given BB guns for Christmas that year. It was summer and they were playing cops and robbers. I was in the house reading. My sister wanted to play with them. They were only to happy to have her. They needed a bad guy.

Apparently she was found guilty of her crimes and sentenced to death. They had her stand in front of a corrugated metal fence to face the firing squad. They began firing. Yes. The guns were loaded.

My sister began to scream and turned her back to them to try to escape the pain. Unfortunately she was wearing one of those little sunsuits that tied at the neck and had no back.

By the time Mom rescued her my sister's back was full of BB's. She screamed and Mom picked the BB's out one by one.

One year for Christmas my sister got a kitchen set. It had a stove, refrigerator, and kitchen table... the works. She loved it so much. but we were going to visit our grandmother after Christmas so she did not have much of a chance to play with them before we left. They would be waiting for her when we got home.

Our house burned. No more kitchen set. She has always wanted another one.

My sister always said that she never ever got her way. That was not true. What she meant was that she did not get her way immediately. Middle Child!

As we got older my sister became a bit of a wild child. I was married then. I stopped by my parents' house one day to visit. After I had been there for a while I looked around and asked where my sister was. I figured she was out with friends.

My mother very quickly and almost violently said that I did not need to know where she was. Red Flag! I said, "Oh, yes I do."

After much coaxing I was finally informed that she was in a home for unwed mothers. Which one? I did not need to know. I finally got them to tell me where it was. It was about half a mile straight up the street from where I lived. When could I see her? I could not see her. Eventually they gave in and told me they would let me know when my visiting rights began.

I used to walk up to visit her often. She was afraid. She was very young. She would be giving the baby up for adoption.

I talked to my husband and we decided to try to adopt the baby. I did not want to lose a member of the family. At that time they did not allow direct adoptions. My husband and I were newlyweds. It would not happen.

She had a little girl. My sister saw her only right after she was born.

Many years later that baby found us. She had been searching for a long time and was just about to give up. She decided to give one last try and found us.

She has had a wonderful life. She was adopted by a couple who loved her very much. She has a brother who was also adopted. Now she has two families to love her. And she had a much better life than my husband and I could have given her.

When she found us she had a little boy. He is grown now and has a little boy of his own.

For a while my sister calmed down. Then one day she disappeared. We scoured the city looking for her. We could not find her. Neither could the police.

After three years I got a phone call. It was my sister. She had run off and got married. Her husband was in prison and she wanted to come home. She was worried that our parents would not want her.

Of course they wanted her. But I told her if she needed some time she could come stay with me. She was coming home.

I called my parents who were thrilled and relieved. When my sister came home she went to live with our parents. I knew she would.

She is on her third husband now. I think this one is going to last. It's been a lot of years this time. And she is more secure in herself.

She has one son. He is fairly newly married so no children yet.

My sister is a bit more ruthless than I am. Therefore she has been more financially successful than I am. She has been careful to always put herself in a position to advance. I envy that quality a bit.

But you want to hear about green frosting.

When our last sibling was born we were so excited. We were having a new baby in the family. My sister and I were hoping for another sister. The boys had been in the majority or equal since they started coming.

It was a boy. I was old enough to go to the hospital to visit Mom and see the new baby. Yippee.

While we were at the hospital my sister decided to make a cake. She had been making cakes for years. As a matter of fact she makes excellent cakes. And remember we made them from scratch.

She mixed up the batter. Then she went to put it in the pan. But she could not find a cake pan. She did find a cookie sheet. Good enough. In went the batter.

While the cake was baking she made the frosting. What she needed was confectioner's sugar, butter, vanilla, and a little water. She found everything except the confectioner's sugar.

My sister is very resourceful. Flour looks a lot like what we called powdered sugar. So she used that instead. Her favorite color is green so she added some food coloring to make a pretty green frosting.

We were all looking forward to cake. She proudly sliced it and served it to us. One bite and we all spit it out. You have never tasted anything so terrible. Now none of us will eat a cake with green frosting on it unless it is a small amount and not on our plate.