Alley Oop

My second grandson developed a fascination for dinosaurs. I do not know when it began. He absorbed everything he could find about dinosaurs.

His mother bought him every dinosaur she saw that was available. He then learned all he could about that particular one.

It seems as if he must have spent a lot of time in the library. Not so. He was three years old.

He was in pre-school and talked about dinosaurs incessantly. And he knew what he was talking about.

His pre-school teacher asked him if he would like to give a talk about dinosaurs. Of course he would.

My daughter packed his collection of dinosaurs and off they went to school. 

My grandson stood in front of his class. He would hold up one of the dinosaurs and explain all about it...  its size, how large its brain was, what it ate... everything. Then he moved on to the next one.

The other children loved the class that day. They were really happy when my grandson gave them each a small dinosaur of their own.

He was a hit! One of the other teachers asked him if he would speak to her class. Of course. 

He did a repeat performance. Once more he was a hit.

The following year they scheduled a day for him to teach. It was a popular class. 

The next year he was going to regular school. The teachers there heard about his knowledge of dinosaurs and a couple of them asked if he would speak to classes there. Of course.

He did that for a few more years until he decided it was no longer fun. I think my daughter was glad. She had spent a small fortune buying the little dinosaurs he gave away.

Bottom Attack

Katydids are fascinating insects that might be more commonly heard than seen. They send out a rhythmic hum on warm summer evenings and are excellent at blending into the tree leaves and foliage around them. These large, bright-green insects lay eggs at summer’s end and don’t survive the winter. Their unique physical characteristics, including long antennae and leaf-like wings, help them adapt to their environment and distinguish them from their relatives, such as grasshoppers and crickets. Once topside, the nymphs climb up into the trees where they proceed to plant themselves on a branch and transform into winged adults by once again shedding their exoskeletons. 

Cicadas have a fascinating life cycle that involves shedding their exoskeletons, or “skins,” as they transition from nymphs to winged adults. Here’s how it works:

Nymph Stage: cicadas have a fascinating life cycle that involves shedding their exoskeletons, or “skins,” as they transition from nymphs to winged adults. Here’s how it works:

Cicadas spend most of their lives underground as nymphs.

After 17 years (in the case of the 17-year cicadas), they dig tunnels to the surface using their front legs, creating little mounds of mud known as “cicada huts.”

When the ground temperature reaches around 64 degrees Fahrenheit (18 degrees Celsius), the nymphs emerge from their tunnels and climb onto nearby trees.

Once on the tree, the nymphs shed their old exoskeletons. These discarded shells, called exuviae, are perfect replicas of the nymphal cicadas. You might even notice little white strands coming out of these shells.

After shedding their skins, the nymphs transform into winged adults.

Male cicadas serenade females with their loud calls, leading to mating and egg-laying.

Once the eggs hatch, the nymphs return underground to feed on tree roots, continuing the cycle.

When I was a little girl the cicadas came one summer. We called them katydids but they were cicadas.

I was entranced with the exoskeletons they left fastened to the trees. They split right down the back and back out. Then the adults fly away. 

I went all over the street unfastening them from the trees and 'saving' them in my back pocket. Of course they were crushed back there.

One day I had been busy collecting the shells as I called them. My parents were outside chuckling about my collection.

Suddenly I began to jump up and down. I screamed. I ran for my mommy!

Something was attacking my bottom! It hurt.

I had plucked a katydid from a tree before it left its skin. It was trying to claw its way out of my back pocket. It needed to finish its mission.

Sadly that was the end of my collecting of exoskeletons.

 

Dark Humor

An epitaph is a saying usually seen on a gravestone. Some are sad. Some impart a bit of wisdom. Some are funny. Because I like to laugh I will post some funny epitaphs and hope you laugh too.

Guess whose headstone says, "Quoth the raven, "Nevermore" Wrong! It was Edgar Allen Poe.

Not all have famous names to go with them. For instance:

She always said her feet were killing her, but no one believed her.

Spike Mulligan: I told you I was ill

Fran Thatcher: Damn, it's dark down here.

Joan Hackett - Go Away - I'm Asleep

Here lies John Yeast. Pardon me for not rising

Famous outlaw Studs Terkel: Curiosity did not kill this cat

JOKE'S OVER. LET ME OUT NOW!

“Here lies an atheist. All dressed up with no place to go.”

“On the 22nd of June
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.”

"Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake/Stepped on the gas/ instead of the brake."

I was hoping for a pyramid

Well this sucks

Mel Blanc - That's All Folks

Clay Allison never killed a man that did not need killin

This ain't bad once you get used to it.

There are only two things in life But I forget what they are.

Here lies Les Moore. No Les, No More

Dorothy Parker - Excuse My Dust

J Penny: Reader, If cash you are in want of any, dig four feet deep and find a penny.

HE LOVED BACON. Oh and his wife and kids too.

Here lies a lazy bum. You finally get to lay in one place and not move at all like you always wanted.

Here lies Clyde. His life was full until he tried to milk a bull.

Under The Bonnet

 My mother had not been married long when she discovered she was expecting a baby,,, me.

Of course my parents were excited. A new person coming into the world is always exciting. At that time parents did not know whether their baby would be a boy or a girl. Daddy wanted a girl. I have no idea if Mom had a preference.

They had to get a crib and all the furniture needed for a baby. A baby needs diapers, blankets, and clothes. I hope they enjoyed gathering them. 

Mom had always loved baby bonnets. You know the kind. They fit the baby's head and then have the big brim that is supposed to be cute.

She bought bunches of them. If she had a girl baby it would always have a bonnet.

Poor Mom. She did have me... a beautiful baby girl with a round face.  My cheeks were the roundest of all.

She would put one of her bonnets on me and I looked like a fat baby. Actually Mom said I looked like a watermelon in a baby bonnet. It broke her heart.

I still do not look good in a hat. What a shame.

Look Out!

 

Animals and my cars do no get along. I have no idea why. I am not a huge animal lover but I would never purposely hurt an animal in any way.

One day I picked my children up after school. I was driving about a block from the school. We were going to visit their grandmother.

As I was driving past an alley I saw a dog running at top speed. I slowed the car so I would not hit the dog.

It kept running and ran right into the side of my car.

I immediately got out to see if I could help the poor thing. It kept running.

I jumped back into the car and went to find it. I drove for the longest time and did not find the dog.

What I did find was a big round rust-colored stain on the side of the car. It was where the dog's head had hit the car. 

Then many years later I moved back here after I retired. I so enjoyed driving to the top of a hill and looking out over the beautiful countryside. Of course there was the occasional raccoon or possum laying beside the road after being hit by a car. Sometimes there was even a wild turkey or a deer.

Deer are silly animals at times. I have seen them wait for a car to come and then run right in front of it.

As I was driving into Sioux City one day I saw a small herd of deer standing by the road. I stopped my car to let them cross. I did not want to chance hitting one.

Instead the male ran at my car and rammed the door on the passenger's side where my son was sitting. My son yelled for me to drive away. In the rear view mirror I saw the deer rolling. Then it jumped up and ran off.

I had to take the car to the dealership to have the door repaired. The door was dented, the handle to open it was smashed in. The window would not open. They fixed it right up.

You can see why I am wary of animals on the road.

Jailbird

Delilah feels secure looking through bars 

Delilah is my son's dog. We keep a cage in the living room for her.

She likes having a place she can retreat. Maybe she' will take a nap. 

The door to the cage is always open. She can come and go as she pleases. There is a nice dog bed inside. She is nice and comfortable.

But sometimes she likes to nap on the rug. After playing with some of her toys she will go over to the drunken leprechaun who sleeps under the television. She nudges it with her nose to move it ever so slightly. Then she goes over to her cage for a nap. 

She also likes to lie on the carpet in front of the cage and look around. But first she pulls the door of the cage open. Then she lounges and peeks through the bars of the cage door.

She looks for all the world like she is peering through bars in a jail. My son laughs and calls her a jailbird.

It Falls

Have you ever seen something that just does not seem possible? Well I have.

Niagara Falls is astounding. To see that much water rushing over the edge is phenomenal. I find myself hypnotized as I watch.

There are actually three large magnificent falls. I never remember which is which. There is an observation deck where you can stand and watch all that water tumble over the edge. The roar of the water makes it difficult to hear anything else.

If you can tear your eyes away from the tumbling water you can see where the water is going. There is a huge mist rising from where the water hits the rocks below. The mist must go at least 75 feet into the air.

There is a boat called Maid Of The Mist. If you take a ride on it you will be taken as close to the water hitting the rocks as possible. 

Of course the mist is water. Going that close will make you wet. They do provide raincoats and rainhats but you will still be wet.

As much as I enjoyed the boat ride I still prefer standing on the observation deck watching the water fall over the edge.

Laugh Clown Laugh

My second grandson was about 4 years old. He had seen a stand-up comedian om television. He decided he would be a comedian.

In the evening he would pull up a box. Then he would grab the vacuum cleaner.

He would climb up om the box using it as his stage. The handle of the vacuum was the perfect height to be used as a microphone. 

He always began by saying, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen.." Then he would do his act.

It was never the same. It was not always funny. But he was so darn cute that we laughed anyway.

Of course those evenings are long gone. I sure do miss them.

Ring Off

I often hear on television about the damage to a child when they see their parents fighting. I have also seen children who believe that adults arguing is perfectly normal. Perhaps somewhere in those words are truth.

We never saw our parents argue. Not ever. 

That does not mean we were unaware when they had a disagreement. Mom would stop speaking to Daddy. 

Daddy would say, "Want a cup of coffee, Hon?" She said nothing. Soon it was "Want a cup of coffee, Hon?" No answer.

That went on for the longest time. Finally Mom would say, "I guess so." Daddy would yell, "EMMA! Get your mother a cup of coffee!" 

Disagreement over.

I went and married a feisty little man whose family argued as recreation. Silly me. From watching movies and television I thought that yelling meant you would get a divorce.

The first time I met my in-laws-to-be my mother-in-law was mad at my father-in-law. She came in from the kitchen to wag her finger and really tell him off. My mouth dropped open and pretty much stayed open.

She yelled until she got tired then said, "Oh ring off!" She went back into the kitchen. When she had collected herself she was right back yelling at my father-in-law.

It happened several times before we left. I was in shock.

My parents were happily married for almost 40 years until my father died. My in-laws were happily married for more than 75 years until my father-in-law died. 

It just shows that there are all sorts of families. As long as the arguing is not physical it is normal for them.

Sew What?

At the school I was attending at that time all the seventh grade girls were required to take a Home Ec (Home  Economics) class for one semester. All the boys had to take wood shop.

In home ec we learned many useful things. Like how to shampoo our hair.  And to change our underwear every day. And to clean up after ourselves. The best thing in class happened when we were shampooing hair. One of the girls took off her blouse to keep it from getting wet. Her hair was full of shampoo when the janitor came in (unannounced). You never saw such a furor trying to get her properly covered and him out of the room.

We also learned how to formally set the table and the correct way to serve (serve to the left, remove from the right). We even had the honor of serving the Junior/Senior Banquet.

For one assignment we gathered wildflowers. We learned how to dry them and then arrange them. I will admit that was fun.

We made aprons. I gave instructions for those previously. And we made circle skirts. A circle skirt is a true circle that can be laid out and you will see a full circle.

So we purchased our material, laid it out, and cut a circle of fabric. In the center we cut another circle to fit our waists. We made waistbands and sewed them on. Them we took them home to hem them.

I was extremely confident because my mother made a lot of our clothes. We measured and pinned the bottom to prepare for hemming. Mom supervised but I did the work. She never did our homework for us.

I was up late working on my skirt but I had it done by morning. I folded it carefully and was off to school. I was excited because that skirt was half the grade in that class.

Each of us put on our skirt and modeled it for the class. I was mortified! One side of the hem was at the top of my leg. The other side was brushing the floor. In between it went up and down. What happened?

Needless to say my grade was not good. And I still do not know how I managed to mess it up so bad.

Mickey the Martian

My sister's youngest son was different.

From the time he was born he was born he loved music. The best part of that is he loved the same type of music I listened to.

Often we got together just to listen and dance. Everyone else would retreat to a different room for us. 

One of my favorite days involved him. He had a little cardboard guitar. He gave me to pencils to use as drumsticks. We listened and played and danced and played air instruments for a long time. It was glorious.

My nephew had one problem. Or maybe it was ours. He did not speak English.

He spoke to us. It was gibberish. Of course we always answered him just like we did any of the babies in the family. They eventually learned to speak with us though.

It became a family joke that with Mickey by mistake we got a baby from Mars and they got ours.

One day when he was about three or four years old that little light bulb lit up above his head. He had always understood what we were saying. The light bulb made him realize that he needed to speak the same language as we did.

I am happy to say that he grew up to be successful and speaking English. He has two beautiful daughters. They both speak English.

Friday Night Movies

My children and I liked to go to the library. Because we lived in a city with a large population the library was huge.  

We would go to whatever section of books appealed to us that day. 

My daughter and youngest son liked the children's section. She liked children's fantasy the best. My son liked a little more action in his stories.

My second son liked police stories or spy stories so that is the section he wanted. My oldest son enjoyed science fiction and that is where he went.

I am more fickle. Biographies are often my first choice. Sometimes I want self-improvement books. Mysteries are fun. Whatever strikes my mood that day.

When we had made our selections we would check them out and know we could spend the next week getting comfortable with our books. If we had some quiet time a book was a good way to fill it.

Somewhere my husband had acquired an old 8mm movie projector. I discovered that the library had old 8mm movies I could rent.

So every week after we made our book selections we went to the movie section. We picked out a movie together.

On Friday nights we popped popcorn and each had something to drink. We invited friends and family. We all sat om blankets on the ground. Then we showed the movie on the side of the garage.

It was such fun for everyone. And it cost absolutely nothing.

Cowboys and Indians

Cowboy movies and television shows were extremely popular when I was a child. They were on television when we got home from school. In the evening others were on for the whole family. 

Cowboy movies at the theater drew crowds of families. A good movie and a bag of popcorn (for a nickel) was a real treat.

I am a person whose grandfather was a real cowboy in his younger days. Not a shoot-'em-up cowboy like the ones we saw on TV. He practically lived out on the range taking care of cattle. 

I also lived near a lot of what we called Indians. Even though they were close there was still a mystery we felt about them. They did not look or act like us and many spoke a different language.

It stands to reason that children often played Cowboys and Indians. The cowboys had cap guns and a sturdy stick to use for a horse and of course a cowboy hat. Indians had bows and arrows, a horse, and a feathered headdress.

One day my two brothers and I were outside playing. When one of my brothers and I went into the house and quietly sat down Mom suspected that something was wrong. We were working too hard at looking innocent.

When my other brother did not come in she went to check on him.

She found my brother hanging by his neck from the apple tree. He was turning purple.

We had captured him and just like in the movies he had to hang. Then we could not get him down. Not knowing what to do we simply went in the house.

If Mom had not gone out to see where my brother was he would have died. 

Itchy

My favorite aunt and uncle had moved to Missouri. I missed them a lot because they had spoiled me as much as they could.

They had no children but their house was huge. We went to visit and there was plenty of room.

They also had a gorgeous lawn. The grass was green and thick. It was perfect for playing. We went out and played tag. We tumbled in that glorious grass. It was such fun.

When supper was ready we all went inside to eat. Then it was time for a bath and bed.

That was when we started to itch. It was a burning itch. Soon we were all crying.  

The grass was full of chiggers. Chiggers are small mites related to spiders and ticks. 

These small mites feed on animal skin. The bites burn and sting at the same time. Intensely.

The common treatment is Calamine lotion. My aunt did not have any.

She did have Campho-Phenique. We used that. It stung a bit but we felt better.

We were able to finally sleep. Not well but for a while.

We did learn not to roll around in strange grass.

 

Three Billy Goats Gruff

The first song I sang to each of my grandchildren was The Unicorn. I sang other songs to them until they became old enough to tell me to stop.

For some reason I do not remember the first story except the one I told my daughter's son. It was Three Billy Goats Gruff.

He had just come home from the hospital. I wanted to give my daughter a chance to rest. Of course the baby decided to cry... a lot.

I sang to him and he calmed down. But he was not ready to sleep. I decided to tell him a story and that was the first one that came to mind.

Stories and songs are important for a baby. The rhythm and a soothing voice are comforting to them. And it is a good way to forge a bond with the baby.

Singing and telling stories is important. So is reading to them.  They learn that there are new stories in books. Hopefully they will want to read on their own as they get older.

Keep Them Apart

When I was in junior high (now they call it middle school) the adults at the school were overly cautious about sex. We were on the verge of becoming adults and we might have (gasp) impure thoughts.

The school had two front doors. One was for boys and the other was for girls. Those of us who rode the bus to school all entered through a side door!

Classes had both boys and girls. There a teacher could make sure there was no mingling.

The front of the school had a tall rock wall between the doors. Between the school and the wall there was a small very high lawn. (I wonder how they mowed it.) That was where we ate lunch if the weather was nice.

Of course males and females could not sit on the wrong side of the lawn. However committed couples found a way to have lunch together. The boy sat up next to the invisible line on his side. The girl cozied up to the invisible line on her side. Then they could eat lunch together.

But Lord help them if they wanted to hold hands or lean in for a side hug. A teacher would appear from nowhere. The couple would each have to retreat to their own sides for the rest of lunch.

I have to relate a funny story about me. I was extremely naive. I knew very little about the whole subject of sex.

With parental permission we were to see a movie about venereal disease. 

A pure young couple were looking forward to graduating high school. They planned to marry when they graduated college. They would remain pure until they were married.

The young man went with a group of older boys to the city. They introduced him to a 'loose' woman. She introduced him to worldly ways.

So he became a monster because he was no longer pure. He went home and promptly raped his pure girlfriend.

A short time later he complained that he had a 'sword' down there. (That is what I heard. I was married before I realized he said sore not sword.)

When he went to the doctor the diagnosis was syphilis. 

The moral was: Do not got to the city with older boys.

                         Stay pure

                        Remain true to your girlfriend.

The movie implied that the young man's life was ruined and he destroyed his girlfriend's life.

I was simply confused.