Tuesday, November 7, 2017
Dale
My husband's oldest brother was Dale. Dale was a year younger than my father. As with many families at that time they seemed to have two sets of children. There were those who were born when the parents were young and then the ones born when the parents were older.
Dale was born with the red hair my mother-in-law wanted all her children to have.
Shortly after I met my husband Dale moved away. I did not meet him before he left.
He left behind his wife and 5 children. For a long time they had no idea where he was. He would occasionally send money to his mother to give to the children.
I actually knew his oldest daughter before I knew my husband. She and I went to school together. We were never friends. That has not changed.
Dale came back for a quick visit after my husband I were married. He went into the house to visit his mother for a few minutes. He left the woman who was with him in the car with her two babies. I still do not know if they were his children. I do not think he visited his children.
After many years he moved back to Iowa with a new family. His wife had 4 children from her first marriage and they had 2 more children together.
They all came to the big city to visit us and another brother's families. His son from his first marriage was with them.
It was an interesting thing that each of my mother-in-law's children had a daughter who looked just like my daughter. Dale had 2. The second was around the same age as my oldest son. His youngest son was the same age as my second son.
As you can see I did not know Dale well because I was not around him very much.
He had a sudden heart attack and died around the time that my husband and I divorced. My father-in-law was inconsolable. I see one of his daughters occasionally. Most of his children live far away from here.
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Divorce and separation do make family unknown. My parents were children of divorce and separation. I never knew my relatives although there are many. Plus after WW2, most of my dad's brothers stayed in Minnesota. There were jobs there and none to be had in Georgia. My dad tried to return to his hometown but there was nothing there. So he moved to Macon, GA to get a job.
ReplyDeleteSo many things contribute to families drifting apart. Sometimes it is as simple as siblings growing up and having families of their own. It is sad to not know family members well.
DeleteHeart attacks seem to be affecting people younger and younger. Always sad when a child passes on before the parent as I well know. My only brother was killed in a car accident at 21.
ReplyDeleteHave a good day Diane
My brother-in-law was in his 60's when he died so he was not old nor was he young. But you are correct. Heart attacks are happening to very young people. My condolences on the death of your brother.
DeleteMy sister and I named our brother "Roger Dale" after Roy Rogers and Dale Evans! My Dad married again and our step mom is Dale! It gets confusing but that is life!
ReplyDeleteSo sad that the Dale in your life died so young.
I tried to get my parents to name one of my brothers Davy Crockett. It did not work.
DeleteI've been fortunate in that I've been with Jilda for almost 44 years. All through our time together we've had friends who split up. Sometimes the couples that split expect their friends to choose between them and their ex. We never did that. We've lost friends who expected us to choose only them.
ReplyDeleteI lost my best friend because of problems in her marriage. It should not have happened that way but it was what was probably the best for them.
Deletehe sounded like an interesting man,i am sorry he died with heart attack!
ReplyDeletei was not aware of your divorce .
wishing you more joys in life ahead dear Emma!
We were divorced many years ago. We had four children together so we stayed important in each other's life. Even after the children were grown we spoke on the phone and saw each other once in a while for family occasions. He remained a part of my family and I remained a part of his. I was the first person he called when the doctors told him he had little time to live. We were just not meant to be married to each other.
DeleteI had a friend with a bad heart. His doctor said a surgery could save him, but he was in such bad shape, he wouldn't survive the surgery. My friend would have preferred the surgery, and he thought it very strange that the doctor wouldn't do it. What seemed strange to me was that the doctor even told him about it, but then what should he have done, it also being strange to not tell him all relevant facts.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds strange to me too. To offer hope and then shoot it down seems especially cruel.
DeleteI agree, but if the doctor hadn't told him, and he had found on online, that wouldn't be good either. It seems to me that doctors must spend an awful lot of time explaining (a) what patients discover online, or (b) hear from Big Pharma commercials aren't applicable to their situatione. It is for this reason (and for their greed) that I hate Big Pharma with all my heart and soul (such as it is).
DeleteI guess what I questioned was the doctor telling your friend that he could make him better by performing surgery then telling him that surgery would kill him. Either it would make him better or not. It cannot be both.
DeleteMaybe my fried worded it badly, or maybe my memory of the doctor's words was faulty, but, yes, the doctor's point was that the surgery would lead to recovery if the patient was strong enough to survive it, but that the likelihood was the patient would die on the table, making the surgery a non-option. I can't even imagine how such information could be delivered in a way that would be greatly distressing to the patient, so in my mind the issue comes down to whether it made sense to tell the patient at all (had I been the patient, I would have wanted to know). You're probably aware that there was a time when doctors often, though selectively, withheld the fact that a patient had a terminal illness. The doctor would tell the patient's family, and then they and the doctor would decide whether to tell the patient. The reason for this was that the patient would presumably have a better remaining life if he or she didn't know that death was fast approaching. I don't know if that is ever done anymore if only because there are more treatments to at least prolong life, and the patient would be able to figure out what is going on. I also don't think that doctors are held in such god-like esteem as they once were, making it more likely that the patient will seek a second opinion or at least start researching his of her symptoms on the Internet. I rather wonder if there even are people who wouldn't prefer to know that they were dying. For one thing, I would take the news to mean that I needed to get busy and figure out what to do with my stuff, some of it being things that I would want to go to museums. I think that if Peggy knew I was dying, she would want us to take trips together and otherwise have quality time, but my emphasis would be on making things as easy for her as possible when I was gone. It would be like all the preparation I put into getting ready for knee replacement only a lot more so.
DeletePerhaps the doctor explained his condition, told him that there was a surgical treatment for the condition, but your friend's personal health precluded using that option. Often we hear only the pieces that we choose to hear. For myself I believe that knowledge is power. I want to know the whole truth so I can make informed decisions for myself.
DeleteYour husband's brother Dale certainly lead an enigmatic life, Emma. I wondered why your father-in-law was inconsolable at his untimely passing was Dale the favorite son?
ReplyDeleteDale was his eldest child. I think most fathers have a soft spot for the first child. I know mine did. And another son died many years ago. He was inconsolable then too. Maybe he recognized the wrongness of a child preceding the parents in death.
Delete