Friday, December 9, 2016

Big Move


It is the middle of the night and I am feeling blue. This does not happen to me often but I thought if I share it perhaps it will help.

My brother-in-law called me late this afternoon. My sister has been in the hospital for about a week. As you might remember she had a stroke a few years ago. She is still unable to move her left side. She is able to speak clearly and her mind is working the way it should.

She is in the hospital because of breathing problems. Because she cannot move by herself her lungs tend to fill with fluid. Even with the hospital bed and raising the top of the bed she cannot sit up. That is a common thing with bed-ridden people. Fluid in the lungs.

My brother-in-law has been taking care of her and their house for all this time. Occasionally a therapist comes in to keep her muscles moving because she can not do it herself. That is when my brother-in-law tried to run to the store or do other quick errands. That way she would not be alone.

So my brother-in-law told me that my sister is being released from the hospital late tomorrow morning. She is being transported to a nursing home or as they call it a long-term care facility to make it sound nicer. He said she was feeling nervous about the move and wanted me to give a call.

Of course I called her right away. That was when I found out he was actually in the room with her. She needed me to call her instead of him handing her his phone.

She told me she was a little nervous about going to the home. I told her I understood that it was an unknown and a little worrisome.

I let her talk at first while I just made those "I'm listening" noises. Then I started asking questions and making statements.

They have been talking for a while about her going to a place like this. Her husband saw the facility and told me it was very nice. She knew it was coming but she was a little afraid. That was when he promised her that he would visit her every day. Her son also lives nearby and I know he will also visit every day. I need to call him tomorrow because I know he will be upset too.

I told her I knew that she was isolated and bored at home. Her husband was trying to do everything. That meant there was not a lot of time for him to simply sit and visit for long periods of time.

I pointed out that she would make friends with the nurses who would be in and out of her room all day. There would be therapists doing the same. And knowing my sister I am sure she will make friends with some of the ambulatory patients and they could visit with her.

She told me she would have a roommate and I told her she would have a captive audience.

I am hoping they will be able to take her out in the sun once in a while. I told her that they will have crafts and other activities to keep her mind busy. If they have wheel chairs that she can sit in she could maybe go to a community room to socialize. Maybe she could play checkers or something.

She told me about a feature they had that she thought might be fun. Unfortunately I cannot remember what it was.

She mentioned that they would have to get her a television for her room. I suggested checking on EBay. I got my son a laptop for Christmas there. I have already given it to him because he too is bored out of his mind. But I digress. Maybe they can find a good deal there.

Then I told her, "If they do not take care of you call me. I will fix it. If they leave wrinkles in the sheets call me. If they try to make you eat something you do not like call me. I will fix it." I also told her she can call just to complain if she wants to. (She used to be a pro at that.)

She told me that her husband told her that if she does not like it there he will take her back home. That is a good thing. But I told her to give it a few days. She will probably hate it for at least a couple of days and she will need time to get over that.

I did not say that she will probably never be completely happy there. Who would be? But I think the extra people there will be good for her.

As we wound down the conversation I promised to call after she has time to settle in tomorrow. Late afternoon or early evening should give her time.

She sounded so little and forlorn. I think she probably cried when we hung up our phones. I heard the quiver in her voice.

I think more than anything she is afraid of being forgotten. I can certainly understand that. I hope it works out for her. She is so frustrated with not being able to take care of herself. It has to be scary.


14 comments:

  1. I cannot imagine being immobile. Her move probably is for the best.

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    1. I spoke to her the next day. She sounded much better. Her husband had dinner with her. It was rib-eyes, shrimp, and other sides. For desert it was red and white cheesecake with chocolate drizzle. I told her I was moving in. She will do well there.

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  2. Life is about adapting to the changes we experience through time. Adaptation takes time. I wish the best for your sister as she adapts to life in the home.

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    1. I will give her your good wishes. She did say it was dingy there. I told her she would need to get a paint brush and some paint to spruce it up. She said she prefers wallpaper.

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  3. I really feel for her. This is going to be such a big change, and the loss of privacy (i.e., roommate) will complicate her adjustment. However, sometimes these things are unavoidable. It sounds like her husband did the best he could for a long, long time. Listening to her will be the greatest kindness. She is going to need a lot of love. I hope it works out. I hope she makes friends and the food is good!

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    1. It is a big change. She is a person who likes being in her own home. Her husband has gone above and beyond. I called my children and my siblings to update them and tell them to call once in a while. She does think they might take her to the solarium so she can get some sun. And I am envious of the food she is getting.

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  4. Toward the end of my mother's life we put her in a nursing home. We visited every day and the staff was kind to us all, but it's not home and will never be. I am sad dor your family.
    R

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    1. Thank you. It has been a hard thing to watch two of my younger brothers die and now my sister dealing with this. It is not the way it's supposed to happen. Being the oldest it would be natural that I go first. It is not the natural order of things. And I am certainly not ready to die. I have to be 81 years old first.

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  5. It is somehow good to both your sister and brother-in-law.

    Hope that both your sister and brother-in-law can have a better tomorrow.

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    1. Each day is easier. He is getting some deserved rest. She is being taken care of at all times.

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  6. I can understand your sister's concerns and fears, Emma. My late aunt was in a nursing facility for a number of years before she passed away. I would make it a priority to visit wheneever I was back in NJ and also called and send cards and notes. I agree with your comment that the fear people have is being forgotten and perhaps that's why some family and friends are inconsolable when a loved one passes; they have regrets on not being in contact. Sounds like your sister has a good support system.

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    1. I think and hope it will help her. She has had a hard time the last few years. My sister was a very active person who was used to doing for herself. It has been hard for her to have to rely on others for everything. She does sound like she is accepting her situation. I told her it is just that much more reason to work hard to try to move again. She needs hope.

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  7. I'm afraid of not being able to take care of myself someday. Stay at home until the end, that's what I'd like.
    I hope it works out well for her. She can make new acquaintances and share new experiences.
    I wish her the best.

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    1. I have a couple of fears about getting older. I am especially afraid of not being able to see. And I worry about having an active mind trapped in a non-working body. That is my sister's problem. Other than that she seems to adapting quite well.

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