Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Uncle Willis


We have yet another uncle I did not know well. He did not live to far from us but we did not visit back and forth.

My grandmother did not visit him either and he did not visit her. For some reason Grandma did not like his wife. She never had anything pleasant to say about her.

My uncle had three sons. They are all close to my father's age. I'm not sure I ever even saw one of them.

Uncle Willis was a fireman. It was his life's work. Because of his hard work and love of his job he eventually became the fire chief of his suburb of a large city in the area.

I remember reading about him in the paper once. He demonstrated that an oil fire could be extinguished with water if other methods were not available.

My grandmother had cancer. Uncle Willis and Aunt Irma were the ones who offered to take care of her while she recovered from surgery.

When the doctors went in to try to remove the cancer Grandma was so full of cancer there was nothing they could do for her. They simply closed the incision. When she was ready to leave the hospital she wen to stay with my aunt and uncle.

Both my aunt and uncle had back problems. It was not easy for them to take care of Grandma but they did.

Toward the end another aunt and uncle went to visit Grandma. Aunt Irma mentioned that Grandma would not eat.

My other uncle became furious. He screamed at her that she had to feed her no matter what. Force it down her throat if she had to.

The following day Aunt Irma called the doctor. She was worried that she was not taking proper care of Grandma.

The doctor told her that she was doing a good job. He said that very often terminal patients have no appetite, If she wanted something to eat by all means give her something. Otherwise let her alone. Ice chips and sips of fluid were the most important.

We went to visit. It was to see Grandma before she died. She really did not know we were there. Except for my youngest sister who was her favorite.

My sister was only 4 years old but she seemed to understand that Grandma needed her. She sat with her all day holding her hand.

Grandma died that night after we left.

My aunt and uncle were left to take care of all the necessary things one needs to do after a death.

All from the ones that Grandma had no time for. I respected them for that.

I learned that you never know who will be important in your life or why. It is best to treat everyone with kindness. You may someday need a kindness from them.

24 comments:

  1. This is such a heartwarming story! I wonder what wordless connections, forgiveness, and love passed between those 3 at the end?

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    1. I too have wondered if my grandmother appreciated everything they did for her. I hope so.

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  2. So true, Emma. You never know who you will need will need in this life. It is better to be kind to everyone.

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    1. Not to mention the fact that you will like yourself more for it.

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  3. I love that last paragraph, but I sure wish I had the tact to do it more often. I guess I'm just not a "people person."

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    1. Being kind has nothing to do with being a people person. It is simply reacting to others in the same way you wish them to react to you. Smiles do not hurt and they make everyone feel good.

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    2. This implies a level playing field, but I can’t see that there is a level playing field. For example, Will Rogers said, “I never met a man I didn’t like,” a statement that leaves me with my mouth agape. I only like most people in small doses, and this certainly makes life harder for me than it does for someone like Rogers. The truth is that it's easier for some of us to get along with our fellows than it is for others.

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    3. The playing field is never level. I guess I choose to make it slant my way.

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    4. Well, I'm a determinist you know--or maybe you didn't know--so while I freely (ha) admit the illusion of choice, it only makes sense to me that our actions are as much the product of cause and effect as those of a rock.

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    5. I do think that my actions determine the way I feel. I can choose to wallow in misery and I do sometimes. Most of the time I choose to be happy and I do things that will make me feel that way. When I smile I feel happy. When someone else sees that smile and smiles we are both happy.

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    6. Everyone who believes in free will regards themselves as being self-made—if not heroic—to some extent, in that they choose to rise above bad circumstances. I’ve even known people who believed that poverty, cancer, depression, blindness, etc. were things that people willingly chose and could just as willingly unchoose, but again, I believe in the universality of cause and effect, and this necessarily rules out free will. There have been some interesting MRI tests of late that prove that people make decisions prior to being consciously aware of those decisions (https://www.wired.com/2008/04/mind-decision/), which can only mean that, rather than make decisions, they are presented with decisions.

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    7. Perhaps I am happy because that is my basic nature.

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    8. I think this is true. I find it so utterly bizarre that a man like Abraham Lincoln who was known for his depressive episodes should be the very one to say, "A man is as happy as he makes up his mind to be." It was as if Lincoln was saying that he himself chose to be depressed.

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    9. Sometimes I think you are too literal.

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  4. What a wonderful true remembrance of your uncle, his wife, your grandmother, your other uncle, the doctor, and your youngest sister. And several lessons for the learning. This is a really good post, Emma.

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    1. Thank you. Members of a family intertwine whether they want to or not.

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  5. It's good to have a family closeness.

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    1. Yes it is. And it is sad when the closeness is not there.

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  6. Kindness is such an underrated virtue. Just showing a little bit of it every day you get so much back. Thanks.

    Greetings from London.

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    1. I agree. It costs nothing to give a smile and good word.

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  7. If we offer kindness, we will the same return.

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    1. So true. The mushrooms show themselves at their finest to you because they know you appreciate them.

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  8. My mother lived on ice chips in the weeks before she died.
    R

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    1. As long as a terminal patient is as comfortable as possible we can wish nothing more for them. To force them to eat or drink seems to me to be an unnecessary cruelty.

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