Tuesday, November 12, 2013
On Being A Mother
The one thing I always wanted to be is a mother. Other occupations were considered too. I was going to be a famous singer but I cannot sing. I was going to be a renowned actress. I can act a bit but a career like that depends largely on being in the right place at the right time. I am not lucky. I was going to be so many other professions. It depended on the time of my life and my mood at the time. But I always wanted my own children.
I did not think about being a wife except for the fact that in those days you had to be married in order to have children. I do not think it was possible to have them if you were unmarried, was it? At any rate as I look back I know I was not a good wife. I am a terrific companion but as far as being "wifely", I lack considerably.
But in order to have children the husband was a must. I was engaged for a time to a young man my father introduced me to. It was like a first love kind of thing. Again looking back I know that a marriage between us would not have worked.
I married a young man (actually we were both children... I was 18 and he was 17) who was a hard worker. We loved each other. He had little experience around children even though he came from a large family. He was one of the little ones. But I was ready to start a family.
It was two years before I had my first son. I was in heaven. He was born right after Mother's Day. My husband dug right in and was the best father he knew how to be. He took our baby with him if he went visiting and was so proud to show him off. The one thing he did not want to try was changing diapers.
After another two years I had another son. He was beautiful. We decided that we would have another child... someday. My husband wanted a daughter. But for the time being we had all we could afford.
We talked about having that "someday child" often. Meanwhile I was so enjoying my boys. We talked and played and did all those things I always had dreamed of.
When my second son was three I found out we were going to have that "someday child". I was thrilled. One of the ways that I knew I was going to have a baby is that I would wake up one morning and think, "wouldn't it be nice to have another baby?" It happened every time.
But it was a difficult pregnancy. My husband had taken a new job out of town. I was unable to travel. I could not take proper care of the two I already had. We sold our house and I went to stay with my parents. The boys loved it there.
That was the year my third son was born. Because I had such a hard time taking care of my boys I decided that I was done having children.
I wanted to have surgery to prevent me from having more babies. At that time in our state my husband had to give "permission". How archaic is that? He was not willing to do that so I used other means to prevent pregnancy.
We moved to another state as soon as the baby and I were able to travel. Because my husband was a truck driver and on the road a lot I had all three of my boys to myself.
We explored our new surroundings together. My oldest son had just started school. We stayed up late and watched scary movies on television. It was wonderful.
But I was barely home from the hospital after having son number three when I discovered that I was probably going to have another baby. When my husband came home after a week on the road I told him he would need to stay up with the boys while I went to the doctor for confirmation.
So scarcely a year later my beautiful daughter was born. My husband took the children and me back to stay with my parents while I was pregnant. I was not having problems. But the nearest place to have a baby where we were living was 30 miles away. It did not take me very long to have a baby once they finally decided it was time to be born. I would probably not make it to the hospital.
That completed our family. I convinced my husband that it would be best for me to have that surgery. He reluctantly agreed. He was on the road when our daughter was born. He headed back when he was told she was here but he did not make it in time to sign for the surgery.
The nurse that was waiting for a signature wanted to know if I was absolutely certain my husband would sign. Of course I was.
I was the first female to sign for that surgery in that state. They needed a signature of permission. My signature would do until my husband could do it legally. By the time he arrived the surgery was over. His signature would have been senseless.
I managed a rock and roll band at one time. They played 50's and 60's music. The leader of the band was announcing their next song. He said; "You know, I was 19 and in Korea when this song was popular. Do you remember what you were doing at 19?" I spoke up that I was having a baby.
Then he said, "For that matter how many of you remember what you were doing at 21?" My reply was that I was having a baby.
He got a determined look on his face and said, "Do you remember what you were doing when you were 25?" Again, "I was having a baby." He gave up but I had another baby at 26.
"They" always say that your life has been a success if you have lived your dreams. I am a success 4 times over because my children have been everything I wanted and more.